Somehow, yesterday, I came across this episode of Insight, an Australian current affairs programme. It’s called Wine O’Clock, and subtitled ‘why women over 40 are drinking more than ever’. I’m not yet 40, but it was scary how much of what they were saying could be the future of some the choices I, and people I know, are making right now.
Many of the women had a glass of wine every night while cooking dinner — a way to relax after a day of kid-wrangling, work, and you know, just being a woman and all that might mean in your situation. For many of them, this became their enjoyment and relaxation, an acceptable way to switch off and relax while still being at home and (mostly) present with your family. But for some it was quite a bit more, and becoming a health issue: One of the women talked about how she realised drinking a bottle of wine every evening was problematic, but every time she raised it with her friends or family, they brushed it off as normal. Many of them did it too.
One moment of telling interest was when a member of the audience described how giving up was easy for the first few days, then about day four she began ‘feeling again’ — which she hadn’t done for years. Another woman on the stage had already mentioned the need to ‘relax’ and ‘switch off’ and that wine provided that.
It got me thinking about the need to switch off. I think we all have that need, and when life is tough, or boring, or pointless, or we are questioning the routine of sandwich-making, organising people against their will, cleaning up crumbs and other people’s hair, while holding down a job and looking professional on top of all that, caring for parents and other family members needing emotional, financial or physical support — well, yes, my friends, a mental holiday may indeed be in order. And wine is a very tempting way to do so!
But two things here for us to think about in terms of our spirituality. One, we have to find a spiritually (and physically!) sustainable way to take those small mental breaks; and Two, we can’t avoid all of the feelings forever.
Taking a break
For me — and many who read The Daily Marinade — a contemplative spiritual practice is one way to take those breaks in feeling and doing and never seemingly being enough, or indeed, too much emotionally. Centreing prayer, Lectio Divina and other slow scripture practices , a contemplative collective worship or prayer meeting or practice, meditation, breathing, walking, yoga and more. What these practices offer over and above other forms of regular Christian practice is the opportunity to learn how to put aside worry and overwhelming feelings and to experience just being. It doesn’t come easily, but eventually, we can get better at settling in to ourselves, finding that point of connection with the divine, and resting.
Dealing with feeling
But of course, we cannot rest forever, and we cannot always be pushing aside our feelings and not dealing with the things that make us want to switch off in both healthy and unhealthy ways. But a rested mind and a renewed spirit are perhaps better able to hear the voice or gentle nudges of God, to put our emotional turmoil in perspective, and to find the strength to act as we might need to. I often find after an hour of yoga, concentrating on the poses and breathing, then resting in meditation, I then experience a sudden insight into a problem I have been chewing on (or obsessing over) for some time. It is hard work to do personal work, and to recognise what is going on for us emotionally in any given season of our lives: but it is important for our spiritual walk and growth.
What kinds of contemplative practices resonate with you? When might you need to use them, and how might you make the time to do so? It can be hard, clearing space to do this. One busy mother I know meditates next to the blender while making smoothies — she cannot hear her children for some brief minutes over the noise of blender! Others find time on the bus or train, in their lunch hour, early in the morning, or while the kids are entertained on the trampoline. Can you ask for the help you need to make these spaces?
Kelly Dombroski writes on care, women’s lives, community economies and other things, normally in secular academic outputs. You can find her less academic work at www.throwntogetherness.wordpress.com .